Thanks for being who you are and for being there for me through all the rough times. The last two nights spent hanging out with you have been so awesome. Yesterday was especially fun since you were decked out in that sexy green outfit. I can't wait to hang out with you tonight and tomorrow night. I don't know what I would do without you. You are a true friend and I know I can always turn to you no matter what. I will always cherish the memories that I can never remember because of you.

I love you Beer,

- Sexton Hardcastle

Sexton Hardcastle wonders about girls who wear thongs: Don't you all get a lot of shitstains on those?

- People that are excited about the new Star Wars movie. Did nobody see Episode I and II? A lot of people seem to think that George Lucas will somehow magically figure out how to direct a good movie. Please realize that this is the guy that produced Captain EO. I cannot wait until all of your souls quietly die after viewing his next multi-million dollar piece of trash. On that day I will rejoice and dance with my Lord Satan in his fiery lair.

- Bugs that invade my house. Why do you guys have to infringe on other peoples' private property? You have the whole wide world to nest and lay your eggs, yet you choose to crawl around under my carpets and in my bathrooms. Go buy your own house to infest. From now on, all bugs caught in my bathroom will be thrown in the toilet and pissed on.

- Jay-Z belittling those with girl problems by saying that he has "99 problems, but a bitch ain't one." Of course he doesn't have girl problems; he's dating Beyonce! That girl's got a nice fat ass. If I was with Beyonce, I wouldn't have girl problems, either. I wouldn't even care about my 99 other problems. Also, what does it say about Beyonce that she's with a guy that (indirectly) refers to her as a "bitch"? Man, I wish I was a millionaire rapper.

- (Speaking of fat asses...) People that hate on Mariah Carey for her hoochie makeover. I honestly don't care whether she's hoe'd out or not. She gots tig 'ole biddies in fitty cities and a nice fat ass. What more could you ask for? She's all right with me.

- Fucking expensive donuts. I went to the donut shop before work yesterday and ordered two dozen donuts for my coworkers. Along with my Ham & Cheese Croissant ($2), the total came out to be $15 and some change. WTF!?! When did donuts get so expensive? That's the last time I do that for my coworkers. I don't even know why I bought those donuts. I guess I accidentally do nice things from time to time.